"All things through thee take nobler form..."

I have been so, so sick. There is a really nasty virus going through the house and am glad to finally be through the worst of it. It was the first time that I wished I was home. It's hard to be that sick and be in a foreign place.

Tonight, I think I will write about Dilan. Dilan is a boy that I work with in Casas and he is absolutely darling. He is a very independent little guy and his favorite words are "ciao" and "gato." He is much smaller than most of the other kids he lives with and somedays he just has a tough time. The other day he was just standing in his room, crying endlessly. It was bedtime, so the situation was already stressful and I was on the verge of freaking out. Without explanation, I stopped what I was doing and watched the big tears roll down his cheeks. Suddenly could not keep myself from picking him up and hugging him as tight as I could. Dilan's mother recently passed away after losing a battle with cancer and his father is in prison. He laid his head on my shoulder and I sang him a song. He calmed down and was unusually still. It was just for a moment, but for that moment, he was secure and comforted. It was a moment when he didn't need to cry or fight for what he needed. I wished so badly that I had the time and the resources to always be there, every single moment, for all of the kids. I want to give them the consistency and companionship that they deserve. But I am just one person and for now, I can only give them small moments. It's bittersweet.

Something else I wanted to write about. I have watched two kiddos in the past few weeks meet their new parents for the first time. These people come to the orphanage offering their love and their lives to these kids that so desperately need it. When I watch these adoptive mothers with their sons, I can't help but wish it was me taking one of these children home with me. It's a feeling I have never experienced before and I know that I want it to be me someday, to take a child out of a horrible situation and give them stability. Its not a juvenile or fleeting feeling that will fade with the passing of time. I know I want to do this. It is a goal I have set for myself and I cannot wait for the day I can make it happen.