AWKWARD.

It seems as though all day I've been running into people that I sort of know and feel obligated to talk to for a certain period of time before continuing towards my destination. I am the worst casual conversationalist ever. I've noticed there are certain people that are really skilled at gracefully entering and exiting a conversation. I envy those people. Every conversation ends up being exactly the same for me.

1. I'm good, how are you? 2. I'm almost a senior but it's going to take forever to graduate, what about you? 3. Chemical engineering? Wow, I failed basic algebra last semester. 4. Oh yeah, sorry I forgot to respond to that text you sent me two months ago. 5. and here is my lame excuse to get away from this conversation before I have to talk about my love life. 6. (walk away cringing)

Maybe I should start practicing in the mirror.

Someone asked me what my blog title means...

Perteneciste a una raza antigua - de pies descalzos y de sueños blancos.
"You belonged to an ancient race - one of bare feet and white dreams."

La música es siempre mejor en español.

Good Medicine

In the fourth grade, I wrote a story about a family of turkeys that disguised themselves as cows on Thanksgiving so they wouldn't get eaten. My teacher, Ms. Wyatt, told me that I was a very good writer and I believed her. In hindsight, I realize that she probably told this to everyone, even the kids who wrote really stupid, non-turkey related stories.

Where was I going with this???

Oh yes, I love to write. It's probably the one thing in which I tend to pride myself. (Look at me, not ending that sentence with a preposition!) I don't play sports anymore, I can't read music, I rarely cook. My last art project was a seventh-grade self-portrait and my teacher thought it was a former US president.

But I do have journal after journal full of my writing from over the years. It's the one thing that I have been the most consistent with in my life and has proven to be good medicine.

Most of my readers are probably bloggers so here is where I express my admiration. But not everything can go on a blog...this is the internet after all. I've learned a lot about myself because of the personal, brutally honest things that I've written down and it has turned into a rough, sometimes insightful, sometimes weird, sometimes ugly, sometimes beautiful summary of who I am. I would recommend it.

“Writing is a form of personal freedom. It frees us from the mass identity we see in the making all around us. In the end, writers will write not to be outlaw heroes of some underculture but mainly to save themselves, to survive as individuals.”
- American novelist Don Delillo

ps. The turkeys escaped to Canada and lived happily ever after.

Five-Page Paper in 45 minutes

Turned in a paper today that I had written at the last minute merely to fulfill the assignment. For some reason, I had to take a survey about the paper in class. One of the questions said:

a. I feel good about my draft.
b. I feel uncertain about my draft
c. I wrote this draft at the last minute merely to fulfill the assignment.

I decided to just be honest.

Saw this book in a bookstore today:

I read the back to see if it was a joke. It wasn't. I don't know a lot about having a husband, but seeing this made me sad. I already strongly dislike the majority of self-help books, but this one might take the cake. Who knows though, they tell me I shouldn't judge a book by its cover. Maybe it is possible to have overestimated the complexity of a human being and change him in merely in five days just so you can be immediately gratified.

La caja de ascensor

The SWKT is the tallest building on campus. It has 12 stories. My TA office is on the 11th. I spend a lot of time in the elevator.

My behavior when it comes to elevators:

1.Avoid having to ride with another person.

2.If it can't be avoided, enter elevator, immediately press my back to a wall and stare at the floor.

3.Get annoyed at people that stand unnecessarily close to me.

4.Get annoyed when people get on the elevator just to go up one floor.

5.Start to worry when the elevator slows down. Probably due to a bad experience when I was little.

6.Carefully people watch, but generally avoid social interaction.

7.Be glad I'm not in an elevator with Buddy the Elf.

8.Be somewhat wary of people who look suspicious: description of people that fall under this category varies. Guys with ugly 1970's mustaches are not excluded.

9.Did you know that "elevator" in Spanish is la caja de ascensor? This literally translates to "the lifting box." This amuses me.

10.Breathe a sigh of relief when I'm done with the elevator for the day.

Took the Myers & Briggs personality test the other day. It told me I'm an introvert. I already knew that.

Welcome to My Life

Went to Barnes and Noble yesterday to buy a book that my doctor had recommended. Upon entering the store, an employee came up to me. The conversation went something like this:

Employee: Is there something I can help you find?
Me: Yes, I'm looking for uh...a book.
Employee: What's it called?
Me: uh...I don't remember.
Employee: Hmm...it might be hard to find without the title.
Me:Hang on, I wrote it on this paper. (Look in my purse) Oh, I think I left the paper in the car. That's weird I thought I put it in here.
Employee: Who wrote it?
Me: I can't remember. Shoot. I wish I knew what happened to that paper.
Employee: Do you know what the book is about?

At this point in the conversation, I suddenly remembered what the book was called and simultaneously realized that I was going to have to ask someone else for help because I was too embarrassed to tell her that I was looking for ADD-Friendly Ways to Organize Your Life. Yep, I'm a keeper.

I think Ralph got it right...

Attached or unattached, I actually really like Valentines Day.

I don't read a lot of poetry but I've always liked this one and it seems appropriate for this day of love. I feel like it captures the "essence" of love...whatever that means. Happy Valentines Day :)

A ruddy drop of manly blood
The surging sea outweighs,
The world uncertain comes and goes,
The lover rooted stays.
I fancied he was fled,
And, after many a year,
Glowed unexhausted kindliness
Like daily sunrise there.
My careful heart was free again, —
O friend, my bosom said,
Through thee alone the sky is arched,
Through thee the rose is red,
All things through thee take nobler form,
And look beyond the earth,
And is the mill-round of our fate
A sun-path in thy worth.
Me too thy nobleness has taught
To master my despair;
The fountains of my hidden life
Are through thy friendship fair.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Pretty Good Day

Wishing you a happy Sunday. I love this song.

The Science of Romance

It's Valentines Day Eve. This holiday is big in Provo. It amazes me. I've never seen people go so nuts over February the 14th.

I read this article a couple years ago in TIME and found it rather intriguing. Just a warning, the first few paragraphs may seem startling and abrupt and make you wonder why I would be recommending it to you, but really, it's a fascinating read.

ENOUGH

Just finished a book I've been reading called ENOUGH: Breaking Free From the World of Excess. This guy, John Naish, from the UK wrote about how humanity has become obsessed with overindulgence. It was a good read despite the fact that it made me feel like a horrible human being. I would recommend it if you feel like going on a guilt trip. In all seriousness, I really did enjoy it and found it rather informative.

He divides his book into 8 chapters:
1. ENOUGH information
2. ENOUGH food
3. ENOUGH stuff
4. ENOUGH work
5. ENOUGH options
6. ENOUGH happiness
7. ENOUGH growth
8. Never-enoughs.

"Everyday life is accelerating ever faster. We work more quickly, talk more quickly, walk more quickly, read more quickly, feed more quickly, and now, thanks to rapid rehab, we can sin, repent and reinvent ourselves as born-again consumers more quickly too. We feel compelled to rush ever onwards - but towards what?"

My Love/Hate Relationship

I speak Spanish. Really. I do. Surprised? People don't really know that about me. I don't usually talk about it because then people demand that I say something and I feel uncomfortable. I have a horrific accent and I get tongue-tied and feel stupid, especially around native speakers. But I am currently in my ninth semester of Spanish. Ninth. I've been studying it for four and a half years. Almost every night, when I'm falling asleep, I listen to "musica latina" on my iPod. I dream in Spanish. I am constantly translating what people are saying to me in English into Spanish in my head. I'm obsessed.

I adore the language. It is so beautiful and so much more expressive than English. I loved listening to the kids in Ecuador speak in their little voices. That was when I really fell in love with Spanish.

Although I am madly in love with the language, I also get deeply frustrated with it. I get frustrated with myself when the words don't flow the way I want them to. I remember one time in Ecaudor, I was doing an activity with the kids where we planted seeds in bottles. A nun came over and asked what we were doing and I tried to tell her, except I mixed up the verb "to plant" with the verb "to flirt." It was awkward.

I was looking for pictures that I had from Ecuador that actually had Spanish words in the photo. I could only find these two, but both offer pretty sound words of advice.

(Life isn't simple. Smile. But better than that, make someone smile.)


This one speaks for itself pretty well.

My roommate is from Northern Mexico and she recommend this band to me. I can't get enough of them now. I've been listening to this song all night: